


He is...

by Harukawa



Category: Elsword (Video Game)
Genre: Double Drabble, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-18
Updated: 2015-05-18
Packaged: 2018-03-31 05:05:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3965470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harukawa/pseuds/Harukawa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s Lusa he seeks out when darkness falls, when he’s at his worst and his fears start to surface (because Lusa is comfort, and all he has to ground himself). And it’s Lusa who holds him close, who whispers reassurances that everything will be okay (and it won’t, things won’t ever be okay, not for him. but hearing Lusa say that makes him want to believe).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lusa is...

Lusa is kindness, warmth, comfort. He’s awkward conversations and easygoing smiles, constant reassurances and gentle touches. Comfortable silences, meaningful gestures, genuine emotions... Lusa is all the things Esper wants ( _needs_ ), but doesn’t know how to ask for; all the things he’s scared to lose (and _has_ ), but can’t quite stay away from.  


It’s Lusa he goes to when his thoughts run rampant, when chaotic whispers swirl around in his mind, taunting him, tormenting him (because Lusa helps, he always helps, always at least  _tries_ ). It’s Lusa who soothes him, calms him down when it’s too much for him to handle (he doesn’t remember, never remembers, only ever recalls the sound of Lusa’s voice and the eventual calm that comes with it). It’s Lusa he seeks out when darkness falls, when he’s at his worst and his fears start to surface (because Lusa is comfort, and all he has to ground himself). And it’s Lusa who holds him close, who whispers reassurances that everything will be okay (and it won’t, things won’t ever be okay, not for him. but hearing Lusa say it makes him want to believe that maybe, one day, they will).

Lusa is also strength, irrationality, _wrath._ He’s over-protectiveness and overwhelming power, quick-tempered and undeniably _dangerous_. Short fuses with long-burning anger... Lusa is unpredictable, at times _menacing._ All things that should be avoided,yet Esper can’t quite keep his distance.

It’s Lusa that rushes to his rescue every time he gets himself in too deep (often enough that he expects it, _knows_ that Lusa will come when he’s in trouble). It’s Lusa who deals with the threats he can’t handle (because while he is fragile, Lusa is most _definitely_ not). It’s Lusa that argues on his behalf, fiery temper flaring with every insult directed not at Lusa, but at _him_ (and he hasn’t figured out why his chest hurts so much every time Lusa does that, why some part of him always _wants_ Lusa to defend him despite being completely capable of it himself).

He’s not sure when it started, when this strange stirring in his chest first happened (and what was that feeling? something he’d felt before and lost, something he didn’t think he could ever quite get back). It’s always around Lusa, never anyone else; an increased, irregular heartbeat and a feeling like someone, _something,_ was squeezing his heart itself (it was familiar and it wasn’t, like he’d felt something similar, but not quite _this_ ). It scares him, being unable to understand, unable to comprehend, all the while trying to recall where, how, _when_ he’s felt this before (and the dark corners of his mind warn him that maybe he _shouldn’t_ remember).

It scares him, but he never brings it up, never once mentions it. He only sits a little nearer to Lusa than is necessary, touches him more than is required, bothers him more and more often in a bid for attention (it’s the only attention he wants these days, and he wants _all_ of it). Lusa puts up with it all, only ever smiles at him (and even when Lusa’s irritated with him, when Lusa snaps at him, he’s always offered an apology later. always with that sheepish smile and an “I’m sorry, Esper, I didn’ mean it.” that hurts too, confuses him and hurts him and makes him happy all at the same time).

Lusa is a lot of things he wants, needs, appreciates (more than he could ever put into words, because he can never quite voice his thoughts, can never truly figure out his own emotions).

But perhaps most importantly, Lusa is always _there,_ is perhaps the _only_ true constant in his life (because everything changes, everything fades, everything gets taken away from him eventually). Maybe one day that might change (and that thought scares him more than anything else ever could), but until then, he’ll cling to the one lifeline he has.

Above all else, Lusa is _his_.


	2. Esper is...

Esper is irritation, annoyances, exasperation. He’s constant interruptions and endless unwanted commentary, uncomfortable questions and a persistent presence. Immature demands, never-ending bids for attention, an insufferable personality... Esper is all the things Lusa can’t stand (all the things he _hates_ ). All the things that drive him over the edge and all the things he desperately tries to _avoid_.  


Yet it’s Esper that he always wants near him while he’s working on his newest upgrades, when things just aren’t _working_ and his frustration reaches dangerous levels (because even if he doesn’t voice his irritation with his progress, Esper always _knows,_ always distracts him one way or another until he’s too frustrated with _Esper_ to remember what he’d been mad about before). It’s Esper that he seeks out when he needs company, when memories of isolation creep at the edges of his mind, whispering that he’s alone, that he’ll always _be_ alone (but he’s not anymore, doesn’t have to be. Esper’s always there, always around, always easy for him to find, almost like he always _knows_ when he’s needed). It’s Esper who always reads his bad moods, who pulls him out of it before he gets dangerous, before someone gets hurt (and always so effortlessly, like Esper somehow knows him better than he knows himself). And it’s always Esper he vents to when he can’t keep things bottled up any longer, when he finally reaches his breaking point and has to let it out _somehow_ (it’s one of the only times Esper is ever quiet, one of the only times Esper gives him serious responses without hiding behind his usual childish taunts and teasing).

Esper is also broken, illogical, _wrong._ He’s twisted emotions and macabre smiles, manic laughter and soulless black eyes. Irrational thoughts and a terrifying presence, dangerous distortions, a need for destruction. Lusa could count the number of things that scared him on a single hand, and Esper would be the first thing that came to mind. 

It’s Esper that deals with anyone who hurts him, who makes _sure_ the message gets across that he’s _never_ to be touched (and he can defend himself easily, often does. but it’s frightening when Esper gets involved, because where he is brutal and destructive, Esper is cruel and _merciless_ ). It’s Esper who terrifies him, whose very presence could feel like a threat at times (and Esper had never hurt him, not badly and not intentionally, but knowing how easily he could...).

Yet he can never bring himself to shy away when Esper seeks him out, when it’s obvious that the other isn’t okay, isn’t _going_ to be okay (and why is that? why does he want so badly to help the man who strikes fear into his heart?). He can never turn Esper away when the other clings to him, when all Esper can manage are broken, repetitive strings of too-quickly spoken words between his choked sobs (home. always wanting to go home, always remembering things that couldn’t be recovered. his chest aches listening to it, and were they really so different?). He always finds himself offering what little comforts he can, always hoping it’s enough (mumbled reassurances and tight embraces. repeated thoughts of “ _please be okay, please pull through this, i need to know you’ll be okay_ ”)

He’s not sure when it started, the rush he feels when he’s around Esper (and it’s always Esper, isn’t it?). He mistook it at first, realised much later that it wasn’t some form of fear, that it was something else entirely (something he hadn’t thought he’d ever feel, especially not towards...). He never mentions it, never brings it up, simply continues to do whatever he can to help the other (because what else _should_ he do? was that something he could bring up to someone like Esper?). It’s enough, he thinks, simply being able to be near Esper, knowing that _he’s_ the one Esper is always with (”it’s enough” he tells himself, pushing away the thoughts that say he wants more, _needs_ more).

Esper is a lot of things; an annoyance, a menace, a _mess_ (but Esper is _his_ mess, isn’t he?). All the things he doesn’t need, yet somehow, inexplicably, all the things he finds himself wanting. Esper is one of the few constants in his life, always there, always with him (and he likes that, _needs_ that, knowing there’s _someone_ there, that he’s not alone anymore).

Above all else, Esper is _his_.


End file.
